Wool Socks and Flip Flops

The flip flops were displayed directly across from the wool socks. This bothered Ben. And again I am happy for what marriage brings. A new perspective, your joys double as well as your annoyances. We spent the day packing, in between other simple things on our to-do list. (I added a few just so I could have the pleasure of crossing them out. Yellow legal pads, the only way to task.)  Tomorrow we will leave for Romania.  For years I have packed and traveled all by myself. Friends lately have been asking what is the best thing about marriage so far. "When we went on our honeymoon, Ben could hold my stuff. I didn't have to drag it all into the stall!  Marriage is awesome!" And as it was coming out of my mouth, I felt like a floozy as if what was to follow was "So I could apply my lipstick and retouch my make-up and use my free hands to only think about me, me, me."

"And there is so much more, Sandra," my friend Andy responded somewhat teasingly and somewhat correcting me.  Should I attempt to talk about the deeper meaning in what I was saying or would that just prove even more how self-centered my view is?  But I let it go and thought about the men who carry their ladies' pursues and what I think about such couples.   So as Ben and I packed today, all our things together in one fifty pound bag and a carry-on, it was clear what I meant by, "Marriage is cool because he holds my stuff when I got to use the bathroom." 

I have longed to be in this with someone together for awhile now.  This packing, this planning, this going here, and this going there.  Even my thoughts have a tendency to venture out alone when they should not be unsupervised and they for years have brought back home with them mischievous companions of doubt and condemnation.  But in marriage, Ben is here to confess such thoughts to and in his love they immediately flee whereas before there would be mouths of journal writing and conversations and prayers with friends.  And even things I didn't realize I was carrying, he has lifted from me just by sharing his differing perspective.   The flip-flops do not belong across from the wool socks. This is what marriage helps you see, places in your life where you have just operated on automatic,  just dealing with its inconvenience and incorrectness. Marriage brings a reordering of all of that, an unpacking and a repacking, a tearing down to build up, a death of self to bring life of otherness.  I was already tired of getting on a plane alone but tomorrow I don't have to.  Ben, I am sure, will even offer to hold my bags when I need to use the restroom and I will do the same.